Wally Martinez

This is a fair representation of how our Wal-Mart greeter looks, as well as most of the other Wal-Mart employees. I mean it's pretty much how I look too after about 30 seconds in this place. Omar will tell you that I loathe shopping here. Unfortunately, it's just too damned convenient and cheap-especially in a world where gas is hovering at nearly $4 a gallon and in a state that charges you double for insurance. We will take all the help we can get, even if it means exploiting the poor Vietnamese children getting paid $0.25 cents per day to make this stuff. (Did I just say that?). What has this place done to me? Wal-Mart is evil.

While I admit that the people watching is abundant (just check out the People of Wal-Mart website if you don't believe me), I inevitably end up wanting to swing through the sports equipment aisle, pick up a baseball bat, and beat the !@#$ out the next person that runs into me. Wal-Mart is bad enough, but Wal-Mart with double the population of Snowbirds is enough to put me on anti-anxiety and blood pressure medication. Alas, we must make the weekly trek to stock up on the essentials. As Omar says, "I mean, where else can you go in for a gallon of milk and walk out with a memory foam pillow?"

If hunting and gathering was still a viable means of survival, I think I would prefer to give that a shot. Or perhaps I should just get the hell out of Florida. Yep, that sounds better.