"I Will Huff, I Will Puff, I Will Bloooow Your Paddle Board Backwards!"

I don't even know where to start. I actually need Aleve to make my fingers write this blog. They seriously feel like they may fall of at any moment. My fine motor skills have essentially been eradicated from my body.

So today I talked O into taking his first paddle board tour with me. Despite the promise of rain, we had sunny skies this morning and CPB had some extra space...perfect! I, of course, have been eager to get my new board out on the water and get O to try it too so I could have a new paddle boarding buddy. Things were going along fairly normal (loading up at the house) and started to get interesting right about the time D, from CBP, showed up and mentioned that our tour consisted of a big group from 12 Palms (the local addiction recovery center. 12 Palms had sent a videographer to capture the day on video for the residents. O and I may very well be the new faces for addiction recovery.

Making a long story longer, O and I split from the group when they stopped to grill out lunch and headed over to the beach. We enjoyed a nice hand held stroll, a much needed break on the beach, and chatted about how I may be a bit more adventurous than him. I was really proud of O for getting out on the water with me today since it's not his thing, but I was really hoping he would love it as much as I do. The next part of my tale, however, will pretty much ensure that O may never let me talk him into doing anything adventurous again.

We noticed the wind picking up a bit and we knew we were going to have a harder paddle back, so we decided to head out. Shortly after getting into the channel I realized we were in deep !@#$ (and I ain't talking about the water). The wind was blowing something fierce and for pretty much every two paddle strokes we were being pushed back one. My board weighs about 3X less than what O's board weighs, so I knew if I was struggling, he was really struggling. It was almost equivalent to paddling in place. And we had a loooong way to go. If you stand up your body acts as a sail and it makes forward movement even harder. On the flip side, if you get on your knees you have about 1/2 as much leverage. So you are pretty much screwed anyway you try to go.

Somehow O and I managed to make it around the bend where we were somewhat sheltered with trees from the gale force winds. We both flopped down on our boards and rested on an embankment for a few minutes. I could tell O was sorry he chose the heavy yellow SUP, so I offered to let him paddle mine the rest of the way and I would switch with him. Shortly after the switch, I realized I was going to have a really hard time creating any forward movement on this thing. Too late. I'd already sent O off on my board and he was jetting ahead like he had turbos in that thing....wind and all. I was, literally, left in his wake. I think he was just trying to get the hell back to the boat ramp and I...well...I was just trying not to go backwards. Once O disappeared from sight I paddled up to an old dock piling for a rest and hung on with my head resting on the pole. Realizing of course that only my paddle was going to get me home, I started up again about the same time the rain started up. Shortly thereafter, a couple on a jet ski passed me and the man yelled "You sure are a keep at it kind of gal!" I smiled, thumbs up, wishing I could lasso them to haul me in. By sheer force of will and giving everything my muscles had, I powered through the last bend and the boat ramp finally appeared (insert the Hallelujah chorus). We'd made it. Finally. Both of us were shaking from the exertion but there is something satisfying about giving everything you have left in your gas tank. Relief. Happiness. Pride. Hungry. Just a few words to describe our last few moments.

I know I'm the adventurous one but poor O loves me so much he comes along...and I love him for it. Despite the madness, I had fun. Shockingly O told me that he did not even curse my name once during the paddle from hell (I fully expected him to!). So, bonus on that one (for me anyway). He's even agreed to maybe go out again with me - and I hope he does. There's nothing better than spending time with the one you love. And there's nothing better than having a good laugh over a pizza buffet (my restitution) with the love of your life after a harrowing journey upwind.

And in case you were wondering here is what we were battling (oops-my bad).