GRE = Gross Retardedness Evaluation

(Gross, as in sum total, not grotesqueness.)

I don't like to use non-PC words like "retardedness" (which isn't much of a word anyway) but that pretty much sums up my current self-evaluation regarding standardized testing at the moment. I'm a vocab whiz, but can I please write the people at ETS and ask them if I can tag in my husband for the math section?

You know how you used CliffsNotes in high school/college and they were super awesome, tiny little books with all the pertinent (notice my vocab usage) information needed to ace your exam? I used to read them in .5 nano seconds and rock out an A+. Well, when you get all growed up and decide you might want to take the GRE, who better to turn to than Cliff? Except Cliff now sports 491 pages of "help" for those 16 years of math class you wiped clean from your memory when they handed you your college diploma. Ooops. My bad.

I chose this book based on one singular Amazon reviewer which stated (and I quote): "Great Book! Assumes no prior knowledge." Check! Add to cart!

Why is it not enough that I graduated Cum Laude? Haven't I proven that I can sleep at ridiculous times, rock at beer pong, skip Friday classes and still graduate with honors? I mean come on. If that's not an above average grad school resume, I don't know what is.

All kidding aside, if I am actually able to obtain a respectable GRE score, I'm hard core flirting with the idea of attending the University of Alabama next fall for my masters in School Counseling. Those of you who know me may know I've always kinda sorta wanted to be a drug and alcohol rehab counselor (I have a wicked obsession with Intervention). I even almost took the GRE three years ago to go to Palm Beach Atlantic for a masters in Rehab Counseling. Long story short, those jobs are few and far between, pay next to nothing and occasionally require the picking up of poop or vomit. I'll be honest and say that I am quite accustomed to a certain level of income (and cleanliness) with my current job. God help me if something happens. On the other hand, I've never exactly felt called to cater to millionaires (though I do get to see some pretty rad [dumbing down my vocab here] stuff).

School Counseling is kind of like the culmination/holy grail of all that interests me: Counseling, teenagers, impacting kids before they end up on A&E's Intervention or MTV's 16 and Pregnant, an acceptable salary, good schedule, and most importantly-a feeling of actual fulfillment.

Don't hold me to all of this just yet (although I realize this is now on the Internet for all to read). I still have to decide if I'm ready to jump into the shark infested waters of grad school and, eventually, high school. So far, the answer to this question has been yes. But I am a Pisces.

Ask me again after I've finished 491 pages of remedial math concepts.